Do their budgets balance or do they take on credit card and other debt to manage the deficit ? I am not claiming its one way or the other as I do not know the answer.
I'm going to guess that software developers, especially ones at FAANG, aren't aiming for a median household lifestyle. 200k post tax is easily ~140k a year. A san francisco mortgage is easily 4-5k a month for 30 years. And if their kids don't get lucky on the school lottery, they're going to be sending them to private school. And then there's college savings to account for.