Imagine any other thing treating you like this. Once a week, your IKEA cupboard locks itself and repairs some factory defects. You want something? Tough. Once every half an hour, it opens a random hatch and drops a ton of paper on the floor, full of IKEA ads. It has all kinds of cameras to see if it can sell you other IKEA stuff, but pinky promise, they don't sell images to others, except 700 partners. And every company in the world is petrified of fear about using other cupboards. But good news, here is some stuff a friend of a friend gave you, that stops all this. Mostly. For a month.