I live in Tasmania, a state of Australia that is 1) an island, and 2) has no Apple Stores.

"and yet didn't bother to swim to the nearest Apple store"

There are a few physical Google stores. They aren't really very helpful at anything, and even don't have phones in stock often.

I went to one, wanted a Pixel Fold in the spring, and was told "we'll get one". Some guy left to do so, and 20 minutes later I just walked out. Just as with everything else, when Google does it, it's half-assed.

Not everywhere has apple stores that you can “just walk in to”

Android phones are not inherently linked to a google account, atleast not in the same way an iPhone is.

You decided to turn a plea for help into a fanboy war?